I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
