i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
