Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
