I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
