She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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