ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
