i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
