i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
