Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
