so explain again why im purple
no
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
