Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
