Already got asked if we're dating
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
