my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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