do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
