i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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