he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
