I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
