Swine flu. Run for my life!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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