The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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