i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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