I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
its not stalking. its research.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
