Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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