I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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