well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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