i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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