haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
