you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
