I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
