Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
