your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
