She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
