Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
