2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
