The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
