why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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