When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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