Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
