so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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