dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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