you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
