What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
