with your own penis?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
