Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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