Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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