how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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