barbara walters just said penis...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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