The maid of honor just puked.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
