maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
