I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
