My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
