nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
