Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
