yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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