i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
