did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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