Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
