Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
