Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
