so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
