Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
