This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
