i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
